Things that are Fucking Insane

So you're probably aware that Batman and Robin is not a very good movie. Scientists actually theorize that its release in 1997 actually resonated back in time and murdered the last unicorn through sheer clusterfucking awfulness. One level deeper, you might now that a U2 song was prominently included on the soundtrack (Coincidence? I think not). But did you know that R. Kelly composed a song for Joel Schumacher's most homosexual movie featuring bats since The Lost Boys? It's called Gotham City. Have a watch, and then come back.

So where did that video lose you, huh? Was it when R. Kelly drove the Batmobile through the ghetto? Was it the fact that he repeatedly describes Gotham as a city of Justice and a city of Peace, betraying the fact that he has probably never read a comic book? Or is it the fact that when you put it together- none of it makes any fucking sense? It's very clearly a song that R. Kelly wrote about Chicago and then realized he needed two more gold toilets to really complete his mansion so he decided to get in on that sweet Batman and Robin Money. Before you know it, he's balls deep in Batmobile leather and pissing like Midas himself. This song was a NUMBER 9 HIT. NUMBER FUCKING NINE. Between this and grunge fasion, is there any way we can go back in time and bomb the nineties?

Wash the taste out of your mouth with the equally batshit but much less self important video for Prince's Batdance, also a hit when it was released in conjunction with 1989's Batman.

Prince - Batdance - Watch more Music Videos at Vodpod.

(Get the funk up)

Out-Of-Commission Quick Ones

So the other night, my computer decided that it was quite done with life and would just rest its eyes and let the arsenic take hold. It's in intensive care with some very nice nerds in Princeton right now, while I'm using the Emergency Backup Laptop to squeak out blog entries just to keep up the habit. Gosh, life sure is hard. Okay, here's what's up:

• The picture above is Debbie Harry, Blondie frontwoman, side by side with Lady Gaga, current world ruler. Now, Her Gaganess has been up front about who she loves and where she gets her influences from. But, the similarity in these two pictures makes me wonder if she had seen this photo of Debbie and it hid somewhere in her subconscious until she needed an idea. I love them both, but the similarity is real funny.
• You're on the internet, right? You're a champ? So why are you not looking at Mitch Ansara's fucking fantastic I Can Read Movies series? You are, right? Okay, good. because if you're not, you're missing out to the max. The basic idea, in case you're completely pop culture illiterate, is to introduce a little graphic design to movie posters instead of making them ill-photoshopped star's faces fading all over the place. I mean, take a look at the original poster for Mean Girls:
Woof. I mean really, what a fucking mess. you get the idea, that these girls are mean- but there's absolutely nothing really memorable about this. It was whipped up in ten minutes according to a manual on how to make a cheap movie poster. On the other hand, look at this gorgeousness:

Now that's a poster. Go check those out.
• I'm a mostly skinny man, but I know I won't be staying that way for long. I know that if I don't take care of myself, I'll be sweating whole chicken nuggets by the time I'm 25. Same goes for my hair- It's falling out with disturbing rapidity, so I have got to keep that shit on lock. So what can a man do to try and cheat mortality? I'm going to start by taking care of myself and exercising, which is a very out-of-character thing to say. However, I've found inspiration in this video starring the man I just wrote over a thousand words about.

• Well look at that. I want that stomach, if not the teeth. That video is apparently the original version of the AWESOME space one that i posted before. You can see a lot of the stuff that's in the final version in this early draft, and I'm very fond of the lightning bolts. I may have to pilfer that in a future video.
• Oh hey, Big Damn Heroes. Looks like you got something, there. What is it boy? Is it you guys playing your NUMBER ONE SUMMER JAM and theme song, Big Damn Heroes? With lyrics mumbled by Mike Pfeiffer and Dylan Roth, and rhythm affairs pounded down by Jammin' Julian Ames and David "The Mavid" Fruhling? Golly, it sure is.
• NOTE: Big Damn Heroes was only a number one summer jam on the "Music I've written and also enjoy listening to" charts. It was also the only item to chart, pretty much ever. The recording's a little shitty, but we had fun.
  
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• Rock.