NIGHT FIGHT: Gentlemen Prefer Blondes Edition

First, the required watching for this post. Presented for your approval, the video for reigning pop queen Lady Gaga's first single, Just Dance:

And here, the lead single and video from Pop Skanksation© Ke$ha:

So, I don't know if you guys know this Lady Gaga broad but she's pretty really popular- when they write the pop culture books in the future, they're gonna be all "Britney who? Christina what?" I think she's neat and all, but all this obsessive wanking over the "Smartness" of her music and her videos needs to stop. She's a great performer, an able songwriter (With some shitty, lazy producers) and she's got a sweet voice. She's a smart BUSINESSWOMAN I'd say, even.

But man, some of her music sucks and is stupid and I hate it. I dare anybody who takes up Gaga's "Self-aware" pop flag to listen to "Just Dance" and try to tell me there's something deep there. There's nothing wrong with writing a dumb pop song. I love AC/DC, for god's, sake. The guys who did the soundtrack to Maximum Overdrive. It's this irritating veneer of depth that is really fucking irritating, though, lemme tell you. But then people spit on Ke$ha like she is the worst thing in the world. And you know what? That's wrong and you're dumb. Seriously, if you did this right then you listened to both songs. Did you maybe notice that they're... the same? That there's no mystical analysis of Fame and Celebrity in there that redefines modern music? They're dumb party songs?

You know what? Do yourself a favor and listen to "Tik Tok," but then sing the chorus to "Just Dance" over it.

"OMG" you're saying, ripping the crayon sunglasses off your face, "Ke$ha is jackin' shit from The GaGa!"

Slow your roll, champion. There's a simple explanation: They're both dumb party songs. We've covered how incredibly derivative Gaga is, I've done it myself at least twice. So she ain't exactly innocent herself. Somebody's gonna come along and be the bigger and weirder Gaga in twenty years just like Gaga's the bigger weirder Madonna and I'm going to be yelling this same thing over some future brain interface or something.

I'm tired. This is taxing. I'm going to bed. But let me put it to you this way: The biggest difference between Gaga and Ke$ha is that one of them has a team of schizophrenics sewing dresses to make her look fashion forward, and the other one has the most irritating voice in the world and loves partying. As usual, I just want everyone to admit one thing: What you like is just as retarded as what I like.