SON OF FUCK YEAH FRIDAYS (Shit yeah Saturday?)

EDITOR'S NOTE: Sorry this has turned into a Fuck Yeah Saturday post, but I got caught up in Friday night stuff. Hope it still applies to your weekend!

Lookit that! It's Friday, and If I weren't sick at home on the emergency laptop and about to settle down and kick this cold in the ass, I'd be partying. Everybody loves to party. Everybody:

(I SAID GQ CASUAL, NOT DOUCHEBAG FORMAL, RICHARDS. PARTY FOUL.)

In Latveria, failure to party on designated party days results in immediate execution. (PS, that picture is by Paul Pope- and is it not the raddest thing you've ever seen?)

Before going any further, let me say this: partying is an art. If you are listening to Party In the USA, you are lazy. There are a million better songs to listen to while partying that have the word "Party" in them. Here are five:

1. Party and Bullshit-Biggie
2. Ain't Nothin' But A House Party-J. Geils Band
   
3. Partyman-Prince
   
4. Party All Day (Fuck All Night)-Steel Panther
   
5. Party Time- 45 Grave
   

You know what? Here's all of those songs on a playlist, just so you have no excuse not to rule your party zone.


That said, I'm actually not the hardest partier in the world. I do, however, live next door to a certified Party House. It glows and shakes as the eldritch gods on the other side of some portal reach through to its living room with crepe paper tentacles, spitting confetti and vodka. The men who live there are champions, and I adore them. No matter who shows up, no matter what music is playing- the party goes on. I helped a friend base a movie off of them called Monster Frat, a love letter to their devotion to partying and basically being radical.

I'm there for many reasons on any given day. Sometimes just because it's Thursday, one time to celebrate Life Day, the wookiee holiday from the Star Wars Christmas Special. One time I came in and found every housemate in black hoods with knives in the air over a prone figure with stark lighting higlighting the lines in their face like it was the Party City of Dr. Caligari. Once they saw I was there, they put down their knives and turned to look at me. "Dude. We're filming a tribute to Alfred Hitchcock- Do you know any blondes?" They rule hard. Their music taste is eclectic, they never fail to have smiles and high fives and rarely, if ever, turn people away.

But even these titans of good-spirited hedonism can't compare to one man: Andrew WK (Pictured at right). Andrew WK is the pastor of the church of partying. He parties so hard, as a matter of fact, that there are actually theories that he is a fabrication of the flagging music industry- No one man could party so hard. No mortal could party so hard that he would open a club called "Santos Party House" as a venue for these massive events. No man could make half his living as an inspirational speaker on the part of his partying. No man could, in this day and age, be so interested in unironic fun that his debut album included three songs with the word "Party" right in the title.

Regardless of these rumors- I believe in the legend. I've read at least ten interviews with him, and every time he comes off as not only intelligent, but funny and secure in a philosophy of feeling good- not a drugged-out condescending asshole who thinks he's the messiah. He's like the Bizarro Nathan Explosion from Metalocalypse. As a matter of fact, the more I think about it- the better the comparison is. Check them out in a patented Mod Delusion Side-By-Side©.
Long, unkempt hair, monochromatic dress, killer metal voice, songs that rock so hard you break a wrist moshing with your mirror, and a goal for the world. But while Dethklok aims to make the entire world blacker than the blackest black times infinity, Andrew aims to see the earth consumed in a feelgood dance party. And that is a goal I can get behind.

And you know what? It is inspirational. Andrew WK's music is uplifting as shit. It is music that makes you want to dance. I actually can't do it justice, here's a playlist of his first album, I Get Wet, along with "Party Party Party," a song he wrote and performed on Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Take this and use it at all future parties.



One of my closest friends lives there in the corner penthouse of the Party Central. He and I have developed a solution that is now essential to all our partying: It is called The Omega Solution, and this is how you make it. There are very few hard and fast rules, this is mostly just guidelines.

1. You're going to need some supplies. The essentials are Whiskey (Cheap), Dr. Pepper (cold), MD 20/20 (Lime), Ice (7 cubes per cup), Pop Rocks (Your choice of flavor), and a nice classy collector's cup from 7/11. We here at Mod Delusion headquarters usually use a matching set of Transformers 2 Collectors cup. Are they essential? No. Does cheap whiskey mysteriously taste better in them? Yes.
2. First, the ice. Seven cubes usually does it, as long as they're cubes and not those pussy ice crescents.
   
3. Then, the whiskey. Decide how blasted you're going to get. Danny Devito on the View? Or full-on Guns 'n Roses? Pour accordingly.
4. Add the MD 20/20. This is hobo wine, if you're not acquainted- your mouth WILL turn colors.
5. Dr. Pepper is one of the last steps. Use the ole' Dr. Pepper to fill the cup almost all the way to the top, hopefully with the ice floating up near the top. After all, the ice is the scaffolding for the next step.
6. POP ROCKS. This is the true signature of The Omega Solution. Tear open your package of pop rocks. Give thanks to mother earth, for it is her grace that has given you these magic rocks. Then, in synchronization with your partner (Never drink the omega solution alone! It's just not fun.) pour the pop rocks on top of the ice, after securing your protective goggles. If you've done it right, the pop rocks should rest on top of the ice and spark all over the place like some kind of God-Drink.
7. Apply your Keith Richards Mask.
8. Party.

That's that. You've just made the most delicious drink in history. People won't believe you when you tell them the ingredients, but make sure to let them sample and prove them wrong.

This post got sedate in between steps one and two because I'm watching the last episode of Conan O'Brien's Tonight Show run. So since nobody' reading anyway, I'll take a second to talk about why it matters to me. Conan's been an inspiration to me since I watched my first episode of the Late Show in 2003. The way he worked the crowd and the way he was so gracious and enthusiastic and spontaneous inspired me instantaneously. For one reason or another I look at Conan as a kindred spirit, and everything that he does makes me think that my dreams are possible. Seeing him take over The Tonight Show was like an affirmation of everything I could hope for and it's crushing that he had to give it all up so soon. I know he'll bounce back, but this is pretty heavy for me.

Sorry for the wall of text, but that's the most melancholy this blog will ever get. This one is dedicated to everyone I get to party with at school and everywhere else but especially a close friend and Gaga Enthusiast whose birthday is this auspicious Fuck Yeah Saturday. She is also a champion of merriment. Oh, and if you're partying any time soon, make sure you look this good:PS, I used the word "Party" 34 times in the course of this article.